the stage without an audience, a rebel without a cause~ MrOngbak..

intuition

2011-06-29T23:05:00.000+08:00

–noun

direct perception of truth, fact, etc., independent of any reasoning process; immediate apprehension.

a fact, truth, etc., perceived in this way.

a keen and quick insight.

Is it a bane or boon to possess a keen sense of intuition?? Mine is so strong i often can predict the outcome of certain events....

But is it really good? i really wonder if this strong sense hinders my perception of people, forming an impression of them from the start might actually prevent me from seeing the good in them. Perhaps im so accurate bcos this first impression i have formed causes me to perceive these people in a certain way such that i can never see them in a light different from what i think?

2011-06-17T00:29:00.000+08:00

i've been so lazy haha

Recently decided that well, i need to take a break from the scene. Sometimes when you are so into something, you become somewhat blinded and kinda lose control. Why not take a step back and enjoy the process instead. Rather than trying to rush towards that destination ahead of time, why not take it slow and just go with the flow, who knows where fate might lead me to.

keeping my options open.<3

2011-02-28T20:54:00.000+08:00

Its been so long, not that nothing has happened in my life. Not sure if this is good or not, this little boy has cycled through another candidate again, as if it's anything new. Somehow i no longer feel the loss anymore. We aloways say we are looking for the perfect fit. But just what is the perfect fit. Frankly, even i don't know

2010-12-26T16:24:00.000+08:00

another month past without a post lol. I survived sem1 afterall, with a pretty decent CAP. thanks to computing.

I was actually worried about the situation where i was unable too take any action and my interest probably wouldnt last past this blackout period, but what i saw today totally ruined any interest i had at all. Never underestimate the wonders of even a teeny bit of eyeliner.

2010-11-23T08:30:00.000+08:00

It realy seems that i got over the previous one pretty well as usual, it seems to have become a routine for me. Others routinely date different girls, for me i seem to enjoy things as it is, crush, attempt, fail, moveon....over and over...i didnt feel sore when i saw those pics, in fact i was kinda happy it wasn't me in that pic. One cannot judge a book by it's cover but how else can you judge it without being able to look at it's contents?

"I'm just a tiny drop in the oceans, but i can make ripples that may become the foundation of huge waves which can wash the world away"

2010-11-11T22:57:00.000+08:00

sometimes we just cant deny that Fate is hard at work behind the scenes, for or against me. it seems that Fate is trying to keep us apart for some reason unknown, every-time i try to create a window of opportunity, it just doesn't happen. Perhaps we are just not meant to be, even though my instinct say otherwise. Then again, just how sensitive is my instinct, by now, it is probably desensitized from the repeated cycles of failures and rebounds....
Well, i shall give it another shot, my last 3 tries, and if Fate allows, probably a bonus chance?

And what shall i do should i fail? well, i'll simply pack up and move on like before, like an assassin moving on to his next target after his job is done, where targets remain as targets, nothing else. *wink*

2010-11-06T10:52:00.001+08:00

It kinda feels the same all over again, actually, it always feels the same. The same old analysis, only thing different is the target. Wouldnt it be wierd if my imppatience isn't present? Well, it is, should i take the plunge oncce more? Everytime this happens, it feels as if this will be THE one, but we all know what always happens next. It definitely isn't a lack of confidence, its just that i have it all planned, the before and what we shall do after the approach is successful, only thing is, the approach is always the riskiest.

2010-10-22T21:31:00.000+08:00

So we met today, finally after so long. from the day i knew that you were in NUS i knew that eventually, our paths would cross someday. Indeed, i've said very nasty things about you even up till now, when this subject is broached. But seeing you somehow sets me thinking once again. I could go on all day about how unworthy you are, how lucky I am to have failed. But i have one thing to admit, it's not about whether something is good or not, it's just my bruised ego talking, just sore about not being able to get something i once wanted even though its probably worthless to me now. It's this same soreness that probably explains why i panicked when i saw you today, i know that you definitely saw me, but i chose to just look away and pretend that i didn't see you, although it was so obvious that i'm faking it. Maybe i just want to hide my weaknesses, act as if i walked away from it nonchalantly, that it's just another failure, no big deal. Actually all i want to do is to show you, that right now, i'm living well and good. To prove to you that you were wrong back then, to make you regret missing a potentially good catch, probably the best you would have ever had, even though im glad that it turned out this way today. Simply put, im still childish in that sense.

2010-09-26T00:30:00.000+08:00

it's been 1.5months since i last posted...Have been overrun by work all this while, perhaps i should start working in advance instead of procrastinating to the last minute. Midterms are coming up, hope i'll pull through unscathed.

On the other front, i've been in uni for almost 2months!! just an update, after i sort of confessed a little and failed in a way, as i predicted im back to my normal self within 2weeks. I really hate myself for that, how is it that i can recover so fast every time, moving on effortlessly. I hate myself for being so flirtatious, i hate myself for being so flicker. Why do i have so many candidates at one time! I hate it that i just cant stay true to someone for an extended period of time, or maybe it's because all these are not THE ones. Perhaps one day there will be someone who can truly tame my flicker heart and settle it down permanently. Almost every time it felt right, but only after the reject do i realize that hey, actually it didnt really put a dent on me. So its probably just a crush or something, but with each false alram, i feel one step closer to HER. I know that the time draws closer, but how long more, no one knows.

With each failure, i feel less sadness, it's like i have learnt to cope. But is it really good for one to become numb to such emotions?

Maybe she'll come along tomorrow, maybe next week, maybe next year, maybe she'll come just before the end of time.

I really hate that feeling of loneliness and emptiness, but at the same time i'm glad that things are this way, knowing that i'll end up hurting her. It's one hell of a dilemma.

2010-08-13T17:30:00.000+08:00

well, i couldn't really stand bottling it all up anymore, so i kinda asked for us to have lunch but well, it kinda failed, but i have to agree with her that it would be awkward. But awkwardness is a phase that will always exist in the development of any interpersonal relationship right....but well, at least i took my shot and that is all that matters, because i know that i tried. And i wont regret in the future that i didnt ask at all. A t least i wont have myself thinking in future, what would've happened if i asked. Now i know the answer. At least she bothered to explain, but am i really gonna have the chance to see her around in future? this remains to be seen, since the situation is no longer the same now, as compared to before i asked.

The strange thing about all these, is i dont really feel sad or disappointed, perhaps its because she placed it to me in a very nice manner? But i wonder of this nice-ness contributed to any false hope subconsciously. I guess i have already matured in these area, as i become more weathered, im no longer so emotional when it comes to rejection, but this is afterall the first time i asked directly, the other cases failed before i even made a move haha. This numbing, is it really good? or will i become cold. Whatever it is, i dont blame her, afterall, this is something which should be enjoyable, if she doesn't have the feelings, no amount of pushing and all will help, even if she personally went ahead feeling awkward, it will only complicate stuff, and i would probably tell her to stop if i detect any unhappiness. What's the point in possessing a songbird if it sings beautifully in nature but will never sing again in captivity due to its sorrow. I would rather leave it in the wild, free to sing whenever it feels like it, at least i can still admire its song from afar.

2010-08-12T11:13:00.000+08:00

what is wrong with me, why dont i have any appetite? something is happening in me, but i don't know what, could it be because of that? this has never happened before in the past few times IT happened. Damn, the force is strong with this one.

Day0

2010-08-10T15:27:00.001+08:00

Tomorrow is the day i've been anticipating and dreading both at the same time. It's uni Day1, gonna have archery too, after class.
By now, every reader of mine, if any, should already know how emotional i can be, despite how cheerful or optimistic i am, fact is i do have my emo side. I guess that's the most tragic part of a joker type, everyone sees your optimism and your laughter is contagious, but at the end of the day, all the problems and emotions have to go somewhere. And i guess this is the somewhere, where i dump all my negativity, then move on, ready to smile another day.

Wondering why I'm so emotional today? I guess it's because im developing extreme emotions syndrome, in other words, there's a storm brewing inside of me. The past week has been great due to oweek, the laughter and fun i had, the positive vibes bringing out the laughter i always had, i'm really greatful that i had such open and fun loving og mates, otherwise i would have to suppress my personality. I'm actually very shy too haha.

But with these bring another problem. For the past year, i've been missing someone, someone who i have grown to like, someone i whom i can click with, someone who i can chat with, making me laugh at a computer screen. But that someone is 5313km away, i know that it'd be impossible, but i part of me still stubbornly believes that it will happen someday, maybe that explains why i see a familiar back and for the splitsecond thought it was you, only to remind myself you are farfaraway. Some might say i'm a flirt, being unable to set my mind down, but perhaps it's because i haven't really found what i really want.
Now, i once again have that feeling for another someone, the feeling that i must do something about, no credit to my impatient personality, the take it slow method just doesn't appeal to me, being the sattigarus that i am, i cant bottle up my feelings for long, i really wish to express these feelings, but im fighting to hold it back, because i'm really afraid that i will screw up once again like i always did, losing a friend for good. Perhaps i should just leave it at status quo, at least we still talk.

jokers do have their emo side.

2010-08-08T00:16:00.000+08:00

a perfect ending of a chapter, and a great start of a new chapter of my life. Just finished, oweek 2010, what can i say man, great people, great times. No matter how great oweek was, it couldnt be better with any other group of people. Thanks everyone for being so fun and enthu, and making it so fun for me. Sorry to those i teased too! it was all in the name of fun! Even if you don't like it, i won't stop cos this is me!! I don't control your life and vice versa....LOL
Cheers!

2010-07-10T16:09:00.000+08:00

Once upon a time, things were so simple. As a baby, you only had 3 choices, laugh, cry or sleep.
How i wish things were so simple, bring in all the complex decisions which often have very profound effects on the future, give it a nice stir, and there you have it, one big headache.
So many things to do, so little time. How i wish i could be more naive, everytime i try to believe that somehow, it will all work out, reality hits me hard on the head.

2010-06-15T01:05:00.002+08:00

These 2 weeks were great! Until now, i still miss the Ikoi trip, the sweetness of the melt in mouth sashimi, the sinful goodness of the broiled salmon belly, i can still feel it, the tender slivers of salmon, the skin looks dried and slightly burnt from grilling, prod beneath, and the oil trickles out from the salmon belly, the best cut of the fish..

Next, i've gotta give credit to cornelius for helping set up my new rig, its as awesome as it looks! Anyone looking for someone trustworthy to do a good job, look for him! He also does reviews, for suppliers etc. His cable management was awesome compared to those i saw at pc show. He willingly sacrificed time to go shopping with me at simlim sq, helping to bargain etc, then came to my place and fixed it up! The most touching thing is, he did it for absolutely nothing!(other than extorting lunch from me lol)

Another ongoing project would be my latest hobby, planted tanks!, it's been going strong for nearly 2weeks(13days to be exact), what makes this project so special is this, unlike conventional planted tanks and even fish tanks. I have embarked on an unconventional route, au naturel, that means that the tank is as close to a natural ecosystem as possible. There is no circulation system in place, filters, powerheads etc all out. Apart from this, it also doesn't have any external input of co2, the only artificial thing about this tank is the lamp and me feeding the fishes! The rest is up to nature, fishes provide co2 and fertiliser, the plants break down toxins and give oxygen! Sounds great right? I must say it's pretty successful, except for the fact that my 5 shrimps died, maybe due to tetras attacking them or other factors. The system is more or less balanced now, the weaker plants have wilted and melted....the rest are growing well, and the water is still clear!

2jun day 0

day5
fish and prawns move in!

sadly, prawns died 3 days later
day12, water is still clear, but did 20% change anyway

pond snails decided to move in too! migrated in by hitching a ride on the plants....

2010-06-10T21:56:00.002+08:00

Haiz, really so moody nowadays, people are saying that salaries nowadays are really low, and foreigners are making it worse. Specifically they say that engineering and science are dead, take those away, almost nothing is left....perhaps it simply means that we should just leave singapore for good? that or become a politician

2010-06-01T23:24:00.000+08:00

OOPs i did it again, abandoned my blog for half month lol. Life has been somewhat busy with work, but with uni starting in 2months, i'm starting to slow things down a bit, dropping some students along the way. Initially the idea of dropping some of them midway came with some guilt but , stubbornly holding on to them, despite being unable to commit fully, would be worse off right? As someone once said, defend all and you lose everything. So well, good times don't last forever i guess

2010-05-14T18:16:00.000+08:00

it's been such a long time since i posted here, partly due to my students having exams, so schedule is really tight, but well, exams are over, and im back!!
Recently, one of my friends brought up the issue of mlm, and its been making me think quite a bit. At first thought, almost everyone not money-blinded would tell you that mlm is bad and so on. But, almost each and every person including me who says so, can't really say for sure, what makes mlm bad.
At first glance, mlm seems to be a simple enough concept, you simply sell stuff, and people you refer, you get a cut from the stuff they sell. But here comes the complicating and evil part, almost every mlm touts a ranking scheme, buy x worth of products and you move on to the next level, and get a larger cut. Sounds simple eh, but not that innocent, human greed causes an individual to buy more products often in surplus of his actual sales. This results in him spending more money on stuff he potentially might be unable to get off his hands.
However, this trend of people stocking more to hit a certain sales target- by making themselves the customer, benefits the company. As far as they are concerned, no matter you or your customer buys the product, the product is out of their hands and they have already earned their cut.
Another of this so called sales tactic is in the form of the initial sum, members have to buy a starter kit, involving sometimes large amounts, in return they receive stocks amounting to equal value. They often end up unable to even sell this initial batch of products, but well, your upline and the company has took their cut sibce the product is already sold, from their perspective.

Of course, these are assuming that you cannot sell off the products, there are some who really struck it rich, but how many. If the products were so sellable, they would'nt have to use this additional channel. The difference between a salesman and a mlm seller is, salesmen do have atarget to meet, but their company don't make them stock up on the goods out of their own pocket.

2010-04-13T10:53:00.000+08:00

Nice one. First, it was mark lee, now it's bread talk, so it turns out that bread talk does not hire singaporeans eh? Some things we do not have a say in, but we do have a say in where we spend our cash. So, stand up for ourselves, it's much easier than changing the entire system. Boycott the breadtalk group, to send them a message. That we do not tolerate companies which discriminate locals.
list of companies to boycott:
BreadTalk
The Icing Room
Toast Box
Food Republic
Din Tai Fung
Carl’s Junior
The Station Kitchen

The situation on the ground is getting worse, housing prices are rising, coe prices are rising. They are pushing us towards public transport but at the same time, they are trying to centralize commuter traffic, straining the already overloaded peak hour mrt system. What the hell are our leaders trying to do? One thing is clear. The years of nurturing leaders, picking the cream of the crop, has only served to widen the gap between the average man on the street and our future or current leaders . Sad to say, our dear leaders seem to have their heads in the clouds these days, seeing nothing on the ground. Blaming everything on the ordinary citizens, and hence denying responsibility for numerous issues. I don't need a multi million cabinet to come up with excuses, i want one that solves my problems.

2010-03-26T09:44:00.000+08:00

Another long overdue post, but well, it's probably because life is so routine nowadays. There's just nothing worth posting about at all. Everyday, its just work, work and more work, but from another perspective, being busy is good, it shows that i'm somewhat constructive, SOMEWHAT.

Right now, the next big thing to look forward to is probably the taiwan trip, i really wonder how it will turn out, whether all my planning will work, i guess this probably part of the experience of doing a free and easy trip, you never know for sure how it's going to turn out.

It really wouldn't feel right if i were to just end of here, without an emo post, haha. Came across someone saying that all bloggers are in a way emo people, and although it sounds insulting at first thought, it is actually quite true, at least in my case. Judging from the fact that 90% of all my posts are emo in nature. By now, some would be labelling the emo tag all over me, but how not to feel emo when the future is so bleak.

The world is just not the same anymore, inflation is never ending, but pay increments are never happening. All these while we are being undercutted by foreigners and our government is telling us to go even cheaper. But they miss an important point, would i ask for higher pay, if my real income is not shrinking? In fact, most of the price hikes are triggered by the government, an obvious example is gst, it might have been just 2%, but 2% throughout the whole supply chain is deadly.
If only this was the worst, but we are amidst an invasion by prcs, there's nothing wrong with them doing lowly jobs which we don't want, but freaking leave their bumpkin and rude culture back in china...We want your labor, but not your crappy behavior, period..

2010-03-17T01:37:00.000+08:00

went prawning with raps and eugene today. Really thanks to raps for coming with us, although he has prawn allergy, and thanks for eugene for the prawn feast. Spent like 30bucks for 3 hrs catching only 3 prawns...sianz. Meanwhile, eugene caught like 15, we were doing pretty much the same things, but the prawns just wont bite!!
But well, he's pro at getting the prawns, but he doesnt dare to touch them, so well, i was the one unhooking them, and finally spearing them for bbq. While eugene was like screaming in shock, about how cruel it is etc, but well, the prawns tasted pretty good!
Caught "alice in wonderland" after that, i do understand that the characters were meant to be nonsensical etc, but the storyline is totally weak...Anne Hathaway who starred as the white queen was really wierd, behaving in a delusional manner, leaving in her own world, bordering on insanity..But overall, i would rather watch an action movie..

2010-03-12T00:15:00.001+08:00

went to update my blogshop ytd, and guess what, i found out why i havent posted here for 1month although i remember that i did so. All those emo posts were accidentally posted to my blogshop, and my partner thought it was on purpose so he didnt tell me about it, :faints:

2010-03-08T22:53:00.000+08:00

o-my, didnt realise that i didnt update after china, i've been away for like 1month!!!
It's official, im starting to melt due to this freakish weather, i know singapore is tropicqal, but since when did it become this hot?
Hot weather makes me uber drowzy and sleepy, and due to the hot weather, i get a headache after napping, someone please cool down the earth or just ship me to the north pole man....

2010-02-06T18:01:00.000+08:00

To makeup for the absence, today is declared, super-random-double-post-day!
Haha, like any self respecting part-time slacker, part-time cos i have a job, i've been watching lots of dramas and anime, just finished hi, my sweetheart, i can't help but think that such a relationship is uber romantic, but to others it seems so dramatic, but hey, i love dramatic relationships. Otherwise it would be so boring, now, i'm moing on to autumn concerto, so far the reviews are that it's the ultimate sobfest ever, even the theme song sounds so sad...

2010-02-06T17:53:00.000+08:00

Ok, so i lied, i ended up mia-ing for more than a week again, not like i wasn't online, i'm just plain lazy. The week went past as per usual routine, meet with Ah Swee, work, online, its becoming a routine. AMK Hub has been fully explored, i have observed enough to do a thesis on KPool counter staff demographics, how, 1 cute counter girl salary can hire 3 ugly counter uncles haha. The point is, i'm getting bored, in fact, I'm bored of saying i'm bored every week.

Post number 151

2010-01-20T21:06:00.000+08:00

Totally random, lets cheer for post number 151, for no particular reason, well, doesn't hurt to celebrate random events isn't it. Since life is unpredictable, which is why we celebrate new years and birthdays, because they are the few predictable events in our unpredictable world.
Well, once again i have neglected by blog here as i've been busy with the setting up, of my blogshop what are you waiting for if you've yet to visit it.
Finally got to watch avatar in 3D and its great!! More on that next time, got to go now, hope my next post will not have such a long time gap from this post haha.

2010-01-13T23:26:00.000+08:00

haiz, saw an article on stomp about a guy offering reward for anyone who have details about the taxi which hit-and-run his car, sadly, his case will not be done justice. I know because my parents were involved on such a case last year, carr hit by lane changing lorry and speeds away. I got the plate number, we went to make a police report, 1 year on, the police has yet to get back to us at all, and i doubt they ever will, as for that driver, we made an insurance claim against that plate number, the driver claims he was on that road that day but no accident, in the end, AIG closed the case and we had to pay excess charge of around $500 and face premium hikes. Moreover this stomper doesnt noe the license plate number of that taxi, its a lost cause for him. Sadly, the Traffic Police obviously shows that it does not give a damn unless somebody was killed, and for the case to be expedited if it is handled at all, it has to involve a high profile person, or receive a lot of media interest, otherwise, just pay for the damages, the insurance company doesn't give a damn whther you are a victim or not anyway.

2010-01-06T23:06:00.000+08:00

Finally got my ass moving yesterday after 2 months of slacking off, but sad to say, i'm really soft right now, 1hr for 8km. But well, it's good to have the motivation to go run right?
Just started tuition, and right now, i've been on the job for like 3weeks, given the lack of students then, i never expected at i would have the dilemma i have now of not knowing if i should accept new students. On one hand, the soft side of me really wants to help a special needs child, but on the other hand, am i stretching myself too thin, its almost certain that eventually i will have to drop a few students when i start my uni life, but this is one assignment which i might not bear to drop due to pity, leaving a special needs child in the lurch will make me feel very guilty. Also, will i be able to teach him well, if i succeed, the emotional attachment will be stronger, all the more that i should not drop him since i can help him, what should i do.

2010-01-01T01:31:00.000+08:00

My first post of 2010!!, happy new year to all who still bothers to visit this blog.
2010 is one heck of a year to look forward to. First, i'm heading to korea in feb, and possibly taiwan in june, so 2010 will be somewhat more fun and relaxing. This year also marks the opening of a new chapter of my life, uni is set to start in august and i'm already all excited about that, Last but not least, the arrival of 2010 means that we are one step closer towards 2012, i can't wait to see the look on the faces of those who run around in circles saying the world ends in 2012, when they realize at the countdown party to 2013 that nothing is going to happen in 2012, sad for them haha, even if something happens at the last second, thats counted as 2013 end of world, so ya, really looking forward to that haha....

2009-12-30T01:59:00.000+08:00

As i said, i will try to remember to blog more haha, so, here i am. Sometimes i really wonder, how many hits do my blog get in actual fact. Not that it really bugs me though, as i reiterated time and again, this is more of a place for me to deposit my emotions, sort of like an emotional punching bag, this is where i pass out the crap in my life, so its up to you to go through my crap, lol, just joking.
Anyway, i sort of earned my first salary, although it all goes to my agent. Speaking of my job, i wonder if my appearance gives me more affinity with children. Why do i say that? On my second lesson with a student his mum says that apparently his brother wants me to tutor him too, and yesterday, a student's aunt who have seen me around asked for me to teach her special needs child, despite me not having any experience in this area to begin with, she insisted that she prefers me, puzzling, i guess. I'm sort of in a fix right now, money is not an issue at the moment, one side of me really wants to help a person in need having benefited from education, it's only right for us to pass on the kindness and help others, i my opinion that's the best way to repay your teachers who helped you along the way. But, the other side of me, simply dislikes failure, and i'm not sure if i'm up to this task.
But, i guess you guys no my decision, cause i don't like to give up on something.
ps: not posting pics here since that would defeat the purpose of facebook, anyways, whoever's looking here should be in my facebook anyway. Well, my profile link is at the column to the right

2009-12-25T23:11:00.000+08:00

It's Christmas, well, to me the occasion is more of an excuse for friends to gather, for more people to come together to have fun. But well, since farrel asked," Do you celebrate Christmas?"
For the benefit of everyone,i do not celebrate Christmas, but i am open to Christmas presents.

2009-12-23T22:19:00.000+08:00

Since ord i havent been updating regularly, maybe before, it was an after bookout ritual, but now since that event does not occur, the rituals disappear with it all together. So, firstly, im so sorry blog, i haven't been updating you faithfully.
Besides it being a lifestyle change problem, perhaps its also because i've been so busy with tuition, although i do work very little hours, most of the time, i'm still on the road, perhaps i'll get this sorted out soon after the dust settles and school starts so i can fix the scheduling. As busy as i might be, i do find my days passing by faster now, as opposed to staring at a monitor day in day out, being on the road allows me to soak up the daily buzz on the streets which i have been missing out on for the past few years. In between lessons, which is my break time, i get to walk around, trying to while time away, its kind of relaxing not having to rush off somewhere. Having said that, i'm really missing my friends, having stood up jian swee and gang twice this month and, the last time i saw emo gang was more than a month ago.
So whoever up there is in charge of deciding whether someone is able to make it to their appointments without any sudden occurrences, please help me keep tomorrow and sunday free, thanks in advance haha.

2009-12-13T23:56:00.000+08:00

It's been a long time since i blogged here, *sweeps the dust of my blog*, within the short span of these 2 weeks, my life has taken a step forward to a new milestone, ORD loh. Really anticipating the day i start university life, but right now, i will have to survive through this transition period, its kind of chaotic right now, and im sort of touching down while running haha, but I should be able to survive this(I hope).
Was trying to get a job for the first 2 weeks, then i though i struck gold, when this Daniel returned my tuition requests, but went mia soon after, i wonder why. But well, this time i finally struck gold, with mytuitionclub, will be having 3 confirmed assignments this week, starting tomorrow, this first week is going to be so hectic because my schedules are all clashing together. Its so ironic, there i was running short of options just last week, and now, all of a sudden that job i asked for 2 weeks ago suddenly calls me, but well, its a tad too late, can't have an interview because of scheduling problems. But well, things are totally different this week, I'm finally busy, as in really working kind of busy instead of busy slacking my ass off, monitoring facebook just like a broker monitors the ticker board. Ready to reply any new comments, eagerly refreshing, hoping that something interesting appears in the news feed and entertains me.

2009-11-30T16:32:00.000+08:00

This week was pretty mixed, went out with the ns guys on friday to watch new moon, i guess, watching a chick flick with 4 other guys is so much funnier, because, yes, i admit it, we just don't get it. The mood that day was also a bit dull, because till now, i haven't recieved any tuition assignments, compared to Mr animated face, *sobs*.
well, i guess, i should move into plan B then, relief teaching!
Job hunting aside, went to IT fair yesterday and bought the MP568 AIO printer, its like the only model which is like sold out any many booths. I'm really impressed with it so far, its just awesome, down to the software it came with, perfect.
Issue #3, as you can see, the counter on the right will soon have to be removed, im glad to remove it, The ORD Counter!, Yup, only 4days left. What should i replace it with? please advise, as usual, if you're reading this, tag me, k?

2009-11-25T10:18:00.000+08:00

Recently, there has been alot of debate on the bilingualism policy. I myself am a product of this policy and strangely, why don't i see myself facing the mentioned problems, same goes for most of my classmates. The main problem does not lie with the teaching method. You think the people in China use English to teach Chinese? Don't tell me that our generation was born with English preset as their language, why don't i see third language students complaining about difficulty, and tell me why even my Chinese speaking grandmother can pick up English. The policymakers keep trying to tweak the system, problem is, they are trying to fix something which is not spoilt.
In my opinion, the problem lies with the attitude and environment, how can we expect a child to learn a language when he does not get exposed to it for a young age? How can we expect him to be determined to learn something, if some parents keep sending the message that Chinese is just an optional language, that English is more important . Having sent such a message, do we still expect the younger generation to me motivated to learn Chinese. If the English speaking economies were to fall today to be replaced by a Chinese one, i bet that 80% of those who now can't even speak proper Chinese can do so.
After MM Lee proclaimed that there is a problem with the policy, we suddenly see lots of sad stories popping out about how torturous it was. The most shameful thing is how these people can be so proud about themselves, announcing that they can't and won't speak Chinese.
I do agree that years ago, there was no mistake that we emphasized on English due to economic reasons but at what cost? Even westerners are rushing to learn Chinese now. To those who are so full of themselves about being right to not learn Chinese, or like this parent gloat about how her talented son managed to bloom after removing the Chinese barrier by migrating? Think twice, the Chinese economy is rising, no matter how much our leaders try to take responsibility, the effects are borne by yourself. Stop dreaming that a Westerner will respect someone who can't even speak his own mother tongue, even more so, what will the people in China think about a Chinese who can't speak Chinese even when he grew up in a country with a Chinese majority.

2009-11-22T22:43:00.000+08:00

Isn't it a wonder that at the mere age of 20 i already have so many regrets. Should have waited out a little longer that day before blurting out the wrong message? Why didn't i see the better, open path but instead took to banging against a wall?? Or maybe i should have given it an all-or-nothing shot knowing i would never see her ever again. Now what, lost contact with one, the other, totally far faraway....good game...

2009-11-06T23:56:00.000+08:00

over time, it seems that my blog has become a place for me to express my emotions, in other words, it has become an emo-blog. This is exactly why this blog was formed, a place for me to express my emotions and hence maintain my optimistic attitude towards life. As much of an optimist i may be, there will still be times when i have to empty the emotions bottled up inside of me, because i hate to be gloomy, but at the same time, i hate to put up a facade, especially one of happiness, because it is the one emotion which can never be perfectly replicated without being really happy deep inside.
Sometimes when i see certain behaviour, it really occurs to me how can that person possibly have that kind of actions, to me, its just impossible and totally incomprehensible. Perhaps, what i read in an article is true, the advances of medicine has enabled us to extend lifespans, to make up for the shortcomings that we have in our genetics. As a result, the inferior genes are allowed to exist longer and hence it sort of brings down the overall quality of the gene pool, resulting in generations becoming inferior to their predecessors. The above would sound absolutely cold blooded and elitist, but it is the reality. Humans, that includes me, are prone to one error, we solve problems, but do not solve the roots of it, a simple example is aids. it would be great if we had a cure for it, but will people change their ways of having multiple sex partners? in the first place aids can be mostly prevented if we just limited ourselves. Even with the risk of aids, many are still thoring caution to the wind, what if it became curable....

2009-10-29T22:10:00.000+08:00

3day week, yet it felt like i haven 't booked out in a long long time. But look at this, i booked in tuesday morning, went for a night off on wednesday and booked out on thursday, thankfully, these served as some sort a sweetener to make our time pass faster. these days, it seems like time has slowed down by some 50% or even more, and i think im underestimating, perhaps these are the effects of near-ord syndrome? Even 1 day in camp is torturous and painful, all i want is to bookout or if possible, ord immediatly.
So, without second thoughts we went for the wednesday night out even though we are booking out today, because things are really unbearable and we need, not want, a breather. Life is so hard nowadays because for an attention deficit person like me, boredom is far worse than being busy all day, because i cant help but be restless all the day. Five of us went, and decided to catch a movie and thus spent like 15mins trying to decide on what to watch and trust me, it could have been worse. Ended up watching "cloudy with a chance of meatballs" which was rather entertaining, since some of us didn't want to watch a potential tear jerker such as "my sister's keeper". Went for dinner after getting the tickets, and i kept my promise to farrel, and that is to be passive and to refrain from suggesting what to eat, simply because having known me for like 2years, no matter how long i take, i will still decide on the place i rejected when it was first suggested by the group, since i can never make up my mind, haha.
Found out today that someone from my battalion died in a bike accident yesterday night, on the way back to camp. Things like this really remind me of how fragile and sudden life can be.

2009-10-26T22:29:00.000+08:00

things are looking great, ns is coming to an end and my life is ready to fill up the slots, driving is due to start next week, room is in the midst of upgrading, my ippt looks pretty much at its peak and, ord parade is next week!!
went to pool with the guys today, and with some uncanny luck, i won, swee, mike,yap, respectively, in black ball before complete, again, in before complete, followed by in black and white. Muahaha, my aura is at its strongest.
hmm, but wrll, my skills seem to be much better although i last plated 1yr ago, my learning pattern seems to be that i learn things after the process ends, and i will see the improvements after awhile without practice after

2009-10-15T01:45:00.000+08:00

my last 51days in the army... Life is pretty good, apart from doing some light ecercises, the rest of the day is pretty much self-maintainence time, and that is precisely the problem. Time seems to slowdown to a crawl or even a standstill, it really drove me crazy, so i decided to take a break man. being super busy is torture, having nothing to do at all, being unable to sleep anymore due to oversleeping or being uber-bored by my psp, its hell for someone like me whos restless like a duracell bunny haha.
i wanna ORD!!

2009-10-10T00:39:00.000+08:00

Very soon, it will all be over. But i must admit that in one way or another, i have grown slightly attached on an emotional basis. The journey has been tough thus far and there are people i hate and things i loathe, but wouldnt it be nice if i can do i partial wipe and preserve the friendships and lessons i have learnt. After all, there are some people i met along the way who are really nice and do not deserve to be left behind together with the rest of my memories back in MHC. Indeed, this 2yrs have been an exchange program of sorts meeting people who i not only don't know but also those who are not from my usual circle, as well as having the oppurtunity to do a bunch of cool stuff. Nonetheless, i still have to say, i wanna ORD!!!!!

2009-09-27T23:33:00.000+08:00

celebrated mum's bday in advance ytd at seoul garden@bugis,wanted to bring her to kui shin-bo but its pointless since her favourite Alaskan crabs are out season.
Ord seems so close now that everytime i think about it, i somehow miss out november, i keep thinking, d-day is after next month, until i realise its only september man haha, theres really lots of anticipation around there slowly building up. Time really flies man, im expecting to spend less then half of november in camp. I've been with then for nearly18months now, but it still seems that our bonding is nearly the same as where it started from 18mths ago, near-zero. perhaps its boredom, disgust for the antics of certain people or a long-bred disgust for their habits but for one reason or another, everyone seems to be so fiery nowadays, waiting to erupt at the next guy who passes by, regardless of who and why, having said this, i have to admit that im one of those, im lashing out at them more often than before. Perhaps i have an underlying mentality that since our acquaintance is coming to an end soon, i do not have to tolerate them any further, since with so little time left to interact, i really dont give a damn whether they like me anymore.

2009-09-22T22:46:00.001+08:00

Yay, im finally back from 2ntm, and as usual i have some lessons from the army. This is not the first time that i have proven to myself that their not trustworthy at all, in fact, this time round, before entering the townhall meeting of sorts i have anticipated its conduct and specifically made a personal note that i must not be soft hearted again this time round. But as anyone can guess, mr softheart stuck again once more and i agreed to come to the rescue once again thanks to the pity i felt for them. Guess what, just as usual without much change, they were totally ungrateful and non-appreciative of the fact that its always us who bail them out, not their kind. Thankfully, some one up there really dotes me and well, things did work out in the end and ya, I'm back!!

The army is truly sort of a social petri dish, its a place where we can experiment with interactions between people and learn from it, the best thing about it?After 2 years, everything is somewhat erased and life goes on pretty much unaffected by whatever occurred in this test-space.

2009-09-12T11:40:00.000+08:00

thursday, mr emo paid me a visit once again, exposing my greatest weakness of being overrun with emotion. Its always these small issues which get to me, because im the type who sees the big underlying issue behind an otherwise innocent looking teeny weeny molehill of a problem.
I don't know if its just me, but this week, although its less physically exhausting, i feel so psychologically strained compared to pre-atec, when it was simpler, go outfield, taking my mind of reality, then at the end of it, i book out, aint it simple. Then, i could take off anytime i wanted etc, then now, its like the higher ups managed to coax what they wanted from me, to fight atec and hence there goes the happy times. And lets welcome the period of saturday training, and others. Perhaps these issues made me moody, but the starw that broke the camel's back must be my run-in with my coy2ic,showing little regard for my dignity, skipping even the basic respect between colleagues. But what made me so sad is the isse behind, that how i am reduced to such a pathetic state of being the lowliest in this military-rank ball game, after all i was raised and taught to be meant to serve as one of the better ones, as my prinicpals would put it, from sec school to jc, the top 20% of my cohort. So why do i feel so meagre right now, at the mercy of everyone else, helpless and unable to voice out my opinions like i'm always expected to once upon a time. This has further strenghthened my resolve, nver again must i fall into such a position where my fate is in the unfeeling hamds of others, i will be strong and i must be in that position of control, and let this be a promise to myself, i will occupy that position so that no other bigot person will, and hence i will personally ensure that i will not treat those under me like how i was treated myself when i was in that positionI will treat my subordinates with respect, open to their opinions and never will i use my authorities to override them when im unable to outreason them.NEVER.
ps: i was damn emo and then i decided to chase mr emo away by taking a nites out even though i earlier rejected it, and went to lot1 for FD4 and wow, that 3hrs of alone time worked wonders.

2009-09-05T12:33:00.000+08:00

movie mania comig up later on lol, 3pm g.i joe at vivo, 8+pm where got ghost at PS, then 12am the proposal at vivo lol.
Sian, my life now still seems to be very busy, wonder when will i be able to go into the near-ord cannot do anything AT ALL mode

2009-09-04T00:00:00.000+08:00

did atp this week, more on that later. Block leave serves as the fullstop after atec, not going on break right after atec does little to highlight the fact that atec is history. So, after block leave it feels more complete, that atec has got a proper closure. Having completed atec, i and many others have developed acute near-ord syndrome, we are going around shouting ord especially at recruits at AOH haha, for evrything we do in a slack manner, ord is the excuse haha.
But being past atec and near ord, i do have a kind of pride in me, pride in being more experienced and skilled, like how i did my 300m shoot with rundown, outscoring those who look much fitter but are just 7mth into NS.Trust me, their terrible, their shots landing everywhere but on the target due to excessive panting muahaha.
Cheers to near ord, 3more mths!!

2009-08-30T16:35:00.000+08:00

just got back back my phone after a motherboard change, hope it works because this is the last resort. Technically the phone has been exchanged, except for the aesthetics which remain the same. But well, it already feels better since i can now download the m1 gprs settings, previously, it always got rejected...lol

2009-08-29T13:34:00.001+08:00

my holiday is gonna get cut short by one day. But what is different this time is that i dont find myself really pissed off, maybe cos its for a justified reason, and i wanna do atp and together with the fact that i already had alot of off days prior to this. i guess the long break is the reason, if this were to happen on a friday to monday long weekend, i would have been really pissed.
wish myself lots of luck that i can take atp on tuesday or wednesday and hopefully i will get marksman!!thats if i can use the sar21, according to my current appt

2009-08-28T18:07:00.000+08:00

sad to say, block leave is coming to end just when i just started getting used to life at home haha, and still, my phone is in repair haiz.....my next phone will nvr be a sony ericsson. Its been a long time since i had such a long break, and im glad to say im pretty well rested, think i wont be used to camp life when i get back,lol

2009-08-26T19:28:00.000+08:00

went to malaysia today via boat from changi v. Had a spread of seafood over there, which is really fresh, especially the lobsters. Its been a long time since i went there due to NS, so happy that im able to go during this block leave haha. Im starting to miss the food already lol

2009-08-25T11:39:00.000+08:00

sian ar....really getting bored, games also cant capture me for long, really need something meaningful to do man...

2009-08-25T08:55:00.000+08:00

hmmmm, could my facebook problems be related to my wireless connection? since it seems that all's ok when its excellent status, but sometimes i get only good....

2009-08-24T17:53:00.000+08:00

heard a song by lily allen on 987 just now, the webby displayed the song name as thank you, so did the dj after the song..it was pretty good, so i tried searching it online and guess what, all i could find was fucky you-lily allen, thought that it was a bogus file etc. Turns out i heard the song on youtube after searching lily allen, turns out the song name is indeed fuck you lol

2009-08-24T00:36:00.002+08:00

ended my short affair with ff3.5, overall, its features were awesome, but it had some bugs which outweigh its merits...so im ddone with it for now, until they solve the prob...haiz..

how do i spend hours on the net, yet at the end of the day when i recall my activities, my mind is all blank....

2009-08-21T18:47:00.000+08:00

its becoming a habit man, doing stuff on the spot...this morning, after brushing my teeth, i saw the mess on the kitchen counter which havs been there for eons and guess what, i felt the urge to right it, and well, i did!!
just now, in the middle of showering, i noticed that the shower screen has some soap on it, so i cleaned it off, but thats not the crux, after wiping it, i noticed something. hey, that spot is shiny man, turns out the screen is kinda dirty so its not as shiny, so i immediatly took a cloth and wiped the screen, then continued with my shower lol. i wonder if this is a good trait...

2009-08-20T22:33:00.000+08:00

finally made myself do this post, ive been to lazy to blog for some time...
atec is finally over, so its one less excuse to avoid excercising, since nowadays theres very little other activities which affect my plan to train up my phy. fitness.
11day leave, looks good on paper, but actually, it feels pretty short, no? but well, i'll bear with it sice its just 3months to ord after this leave...muahahaha!!!

2009-08-08T00:25:00.002+08:00

atec finally over!!!ops lehpak is on!!
looking forward to malaysia trip on aug9, sometimes i feel really blessed, that i have so many people doting on me. we are joining some 1day tour, but grandma actually topped up the organiser so that only our table will have special food!!!yay!! apparently, small abalones, sharkfins and suckling pigs will all appear!! mmm....

2009-07-27T00:57:00.002+08:00

there are always so many things i wanna blog about but when the time comes, my mind is just kinda blank.
These 2 years away from school and interacting with people outside my little circle, i have indeed learned alot about myself, things about me which were there but i didnt notice. But im glad i have learned so much about my own temperament.

My attitude:
Spider- everything must be done asap, im super-anxious, must make sure everything is alright before hand, fine-tuning stuff up to the last minute. Somehow, i always have doubts and worries so i will keep checking up.
One of my greatest pitfalls is perhaps my soft-heartedness and flicker mindedness, paired together, its disastrous. I end up agreeing on things easily and right after that the second thoughts start coming in.
pet peeves:
People who dont bother to understand the situation and start making unconstructive comments like stupid etc, especially if thats the first thing they say, pisses me off instantly

people who doubt me especially when i know very well what i am doing and im very confident that it will work out. When you tell me do stuff for you, you better heed my advice and leave it to ME.

people who keep nagging at my ear telling me what to say etc, when im on the phone, cause i freaking cant hear what the other party is saying.

2009-07-26T23:14:00.000+08:00

whats wrong with singtel man....connection is kinda slow, nothing wrong on my side cos the local sites are ok, but facebook and blogger-wise the speed is fluctuating..

2009-07-26T11:05:00.002+08:00

watched hary potter yesterday, really shitty, more like a rom-edy, and should be renamed, harry potter and the love life of ron....
its like the scriptwriter didnt read the book, the whole thing is filled with poking fun at ron's love, then occassionally, the scripter remembers that there's an important detail, and so adds in a snippet. Really dissapointing, didnt see much magic being done either, except for flames, and white lights on wands. Duels are white globs flying at each other, and what's with obsession with the black-diffusion effect, the thing u see when u coloured stuff and let it diffuse in water. You see that when death eaters fly or move around, when dumbledore pours memories into the pensieve, and at the credits. Is that meant to symbolise, the plot is getting darker??? or is that why everyone says this is one of the darkest hp movie. As a fan of the book, i would call this movie a disgrace. In the sixth year as portrayed by the movie, harry only has potions class, one quidditch match and the rest is slughorn parties and them outside of class dealing with love problems. the scenes are largely limited to only the castle and bits of diagon alley. No signs of the ministry of magic, the minister or whatsoever that makes up the harry potter world.Lastly, the death of dumbledore, his funeral was a scene i wanted to see due to its would-be granduer, the passing of a great...but that too, was cut out.

2009-07-25T17:24:00.000+08:00

went to hello shop today, ended up bazooka-hunting again...
singtel service sucks real bad, only their technicians are really friendly and noe their stuff...
the guy issuing the q number just told me that i cant xchange the miobox at the shop, despite the hotline guy saying can. other than that, they didnt entertain me any further, not bothering to extend further assisstance.
so i tried the phone beside the counter, it says "why q", in the end, guess what, the phone at a telco shop cant work...great...
in the end had to blast the hotline staff before they sent down a technician immediatly, if i didnt scold them, they wouldnt have the initiative, its only when i made things difficult and insisted that they managed to get me the appoinment at 4.
the technician was super nice, he came 20mins after i left the hello shop cos he was closeby, this is initiative man. And he said, ya, alot ppl complain mio, from support to content it all sucks....
just google mio and see for yourself

2009-07-25T08:42:00.003+08:00

kinda solved the compose mode thingy, by ctrl+F5....
enjoying my 5-day off combo right now, gonna watch hp:hbp tonight, gotta see for myself why the ratings are so low, haha. But then again, critic scores are not that accurate, cos they usually pick on stuff we otherwise wouldnt care about.

18weeks to ORD!!!

2009-07-23T23:20:00.002+08:00

the text editor is behaving very wierdly right now....not what it's supposed to look like, but still can type..
i suppose that right now, im have convinced myself that hey, actually im not that limited by my physicaa attributes, having rose to the occassion to fill the position of mg gunner. but i really feel guilty, cos i can tank lots of weight but when it comes to digging and maintainence, its just not my forte, mine is endurance and challenging limits...

2009-07-17T00:25:00.002+08:00

Heard this year's ndp song, it has really taken big steps, getting a home band to do it instead of some rising star. But most importantly, it sounds meaningful and casual, unlike the old-school jubilant parade style music. Also, the lyrics i can identify, look closely and hey!! its the ndp song, and its not done by telling you explicitly like Stand up for SINGAPORE. That is like so cheesy, this i almost didnt realise its this year's theme song. It finally realises that time has changed, everyone has different paths and lives nowadays.
How is it possible that assuming noone is malingering, 50ppl get a fever over the weekend, if its not H1n1?? lol, im probably sleeping with confirmed cases.
Ndp shall be meaningful for me this year, because this is the year i finally completed my service. I bet they won't thank me, beacause they don't have to, since i didn't have a choice. Nearly 2yrs ago, my nation took me away on my 18th birthday in the name of the defense of our nation, 2yrs later, i look back and say, get off my back.
Who says that i have to sign on to military service to do my duty, if i don't work in the commercial sector, who will fund all the shiny new toys??

2more weeks to the last frontier,4months19days to freedom

Pissed

2009-07-11T12:34:00.002+08:00

Recieved a call from jiahao yesterday, was feeling kinda perfect until that point of time, he totally ruined it for me.
" hey, u have guard duty on sunday"(heard this only after a few times cos i was on the mrt)
me:"what?! my name isnt on the schedule"
"i dont know why, ur name is on the ro"
me:"but, hey, if i did this, i wouyld have done four consecutive duties"
"i don't know, you go find a replacement then"
me:"why must i, its not even my problem"
after that my line was cut of by poor reception and he never called back or respond to texts and calls.
what poor attitude man, he being the guard ic would have been aware of any amendments, he being present when orders were read would havee taken only 5mins to double check against the list, but instead he chose to push it to me, with a mentaility that i will have to do the sorting out myself if i want because im the one who is affected not him.
in the end, i ended up having to call up every single commander personally to check if they made amendments, then call the guy who's name got replaced by me. After that, since noone swapped, i had to trace down the guy who typed the ro. After this whole round of goose-chasin and fuming, it was traced to a typo error.
Imagine it if i just bit the bullet, i would have booked in tonight, and the other guy who i replaced would also bookin, since both of us were non-present thus he assumes that he has duty as per normal. i would have travelled 1 hr plus for nothing just to turn back and go home again. I did all these checking in 2hrs, while not physically present in camp, he could have done it in 5mins.
thanks to desmond and victor for helping out and being nice and all....haiz

im a geek

2009-07-11T12:21:00.002+08:00

why is it that the geek tag is seen in such a negative light by the so-called "cool" guys, looking down on geeks and showing disgust towards them is an obvious sympton for immaturity and shallowness. So, drinking and hanging out is suppossed to identify one as having a life? Come on man, drinking and hanging out at the same places every weekend obviously means that there's little variation in one's lifestyle patterns, so thats having a life?
Look around, almost everything we have is thanks to geeks, our desire for faster electronics, better specs, better tech, has resulted in so many things which people use everyday but forget that hey, its thanks to Geek-dom(world of geeks). Without geeks, theres no facebook, iphone, google etc. who else would be interesteed in designing such stuff. In fact, without techies and geeks, there wouldnt even be the internet.

Being a geek is my desire, the want for better devices games etc. Appreciating not just applications, but the technology behind it all. Its as simple as the difference between knowing how to operate a psp, and actually able to troubleshoot through its firmware, changing emulators etc, i've come to the point where i no longer find it surprising when people dont even know about the other functions of cfw, even homebrew. They just know that cfw can let them play free games, i bet they dont know who is dark-alex.

Who said geeks have no life, tech is my life

2009-07-04T01:32:00.002+08:00

oh man, if only the dream fabrication system or whatever its called, can be upgraded..2yrs on its still superbuggy, ytd i got that dream-type again, same storyline. I dream myself in school then suddenly i appear in bunk(this is new, usually its in school), i open my cupboard then my ns friends(wierd, they dont even study) tell me hey theres a test on graphing techniques ltr, remeber quite clearly then i panic(as in real life my brain is in something-bothering-me mode) cant really sleep well at this point in time, never open eye but can feel very disturb, then until i remember hey, wheres my GC, brain suddenly hooks onto this point and starts trying to remind me, hey!!! you already passed a lvl, get result etc.(always the same reminder msg). Its like i can sort of think, but confused as my dreams always appear so real). Thats the cause of my so called sleepwalking, happened so many times, when my dream enviroment tallies with my real life location, then when i suddenly wake up. i dont realise that im out of dream, so i walk about abit sometimes sub-conciously...
shit...why my dreams have to come in full colour

2009-06-26T17:54:00.002+08:00

Why are unfortunate events so unpredictable, and when they come, they come all at once..post-911, economy not that good, after that still kena sars..2009, economy down again, we kena h1n1, really hope that it isnt too serious. It will definitely spread, we can only hope that its effects on people are minimal.
Why am i the post-incident review type of person, only after something has happened do i realise that i could have done it very differently, leading to a great feeling of regret.
Our battalion has scraped through atec1 with a commendable 2A but we cant deny the fact that half of the battalion got a 3. Who can garuntee that those 2 will not drag us down again future. to add to the trouble, H1N1 is forcing some changes to the july schedule. Looks like the odds are all up against us for atec2, just hope that we can get past it with a minimal 2A

2009-06-12T23:10:00.002+08:00

my weekends are finally complete from this week on, generally... i so miss my friends, cos with 1day weekends u cant really go anywhere even with the generous weekdays offs, because evryone is in camp!!
every now and then i recall my childhood days, te days when i was still bumping around in the world of social interaction, feels kinda malu. But anyways, thats what makes those days fun right, anything goes. Its like a practice session, whereas rightnow, everything has to be picture perfect.

2009-06-02T09:56:00.002+08:00

A brand new day!! Life is pretty good in the real world, in case you still don't know, i live in 2 worlds, geek by weekend, killer by weekday haha.

I guess engineeering is for me, i love tweaking stuff finding out how it works. I get pretty irritated when people who claim to be v pro at playing psp etc come to me asking to solve a simple problem which i did in under 5sec. All they can do is to operate someting yet they don't even know a thing about the technical stuff, such as upgrading firmware etc. Its not that im particularly smarter, its just that i bother to find out because i like to diy and hence customize!!

Currently developing a new blogskin, won't be going for the multiple page style, will be keeping with the all-out format. The theme will me somewhat modern, futuristic. Being sleek and neat in a way...

2009-06-01T08:13:00.002+08:00

Another new month, bringing me a step closer to ord, 6months!!!
This month sees a new round of promotions, rumour has it that i was recommended for it, yet i didn't get it again. Probably due to lack of fitness again, but hey, despite my shortcomings in fitness, i have so far paralleled my peers in terms of performance, in the process i even surpassed some who have been deemed better and given promotions.
I really wish to say that i don't really care about this, yet i have to admit that it does affect me to a certain extent. Not because i care about the army, but its just a inherent need to win, a need our kind have cultivated from young, it might not be something we want, but we need it to feed our ego. This feels kind of shameful, yet its the truth, i could see the disappointment in the eyes of The Others.
What makes this even more of a sucker punch is the fact that those who got it got it by virtue of appointment, which in turn wasnt assigned by a fair guage of performance. I would admit that yes, he is definitely better than me in terms of fitness, but what makes a leader. A leader is not neccessarily the fittest, he is the one who is good in what he does and at the same time embody serveral qualities such as determination and the ability to wield influence and inspire.
So how it is justified that i lose to someone who had the chance then went awol, then later came back to assume his position again, i admit he is faster etc, but in terms of discipline and determination, i cannot say the same.
Okay, i admit it, im sore...

2009-05-21T08:58:00.002+08:00

Finally endex, haha, on top of the 3-day off-inlieu i get, Brigade com has given 3more!!! sweet....thats what we get for whacking leopard tanks day and night, this ex has really been a very good exposure to the command scene, cos in this setting we were playing the brigade commanders, CO etc. Really gives us an overview of what actually goes on at the yop, what the considerations and various processes involved.
having played so many psp games, i suddenly have the urge to make some homebrew for my psp, for now there are abundant resources for making the program the only problem is the what, havent figured out what to make, possibly a simple arcade style space shooter. Also dunno to use the simple lua programming or more complex c++...but the greatest hurdle is the start haha...

2009-05-12T20:57:00.002+08:00

Im so glad that a fraction of my old life is back, having the option to blog everyday, do take note that i say OPTION, because its not everyday that i have the mood to blog.This kinda life is shiok but a pity that its not for long, probably till the 20th followed by a period where i will dissappear for 4days then rest for another for until mid-june, then it will be back to normal. past 1 month have been like that, im so worried that when june comes, i will be so unfit and unused to army lifestyle. Although these happy days are limited, im definitely not the type who believes in doomsday then stop living normal life because i believe that life is going to end in like 2yrs...so wat if the days are limited, the least we can do is make sure everyday is not wasted and without regrets!!

2009-05-11T22:25:00.002+08:00

Sometimes i feel so lucky, so fortunate to have such great friends around me, they are the one who truly understand, letting me poke fun at them, but they do know that i dont really mean any harm its just my way of fun, those who dont know me wont realise it. Only with my friends do i really show that outgoing and sacarstic attitude. Isnt that so confusing??me being "nice" to someone actually usuallys points to the underlying discomfort...
and when i do pick up a verbal battle, i go out there to win, its just my nature, my way of life, my thirst for victory

2009-05-08T13:56:00.002+08:00

omg....its just 210 days more of NS, it might look a lot but after deducting 14days of leave ,56 weekend days, thats already 1/3 less and just 14oDAYS!!!! of slogging...this includes the off i will get...and the last 1month which is customary slack period...
although i look like the happy go lucky type, im actually quite an edgy person, everything has to be ready and perfectly planned for to the last minute in advance...so i would say that its not too early to plan for post-ns itinerary...when you start thinking of planning for post-ord, you know tha its realy close...

2009-05-03T02:03:00.002+08:00

suddenly recall....
have been having this wierd sleeping problem for 2days in a row this week..
be it at home or in camp, when i fall asleep i dream of myself looking at the exact surroundings which im sleeping in, then i hear a familiar voice, then when i trying to go take a look, i try to move but realise that i cant, i try v hard to move either i feel numb or i hear a very irritating ringing in my ears than i try to move again this time i wake up to realise that it was a dream, this happens for like 2-3 times, the intriguing thing is its so realistic i dont realise im dreaming, im doubting myself, could it be that i actually sleepwalked??
its so difficult to sleep, cos in my sleep im awake then i wake up to realise i was sleeping, then when i fall alsep, i again dream that im not asleep, what the heck...

2009-05-03T01:38:00.002+08:00

post no.100!! finally, watched wolverine with aswin and farrel. Finally went to the movies with them after much delay. But i feel so damn guilty that weng didnt get to go watch such a fantastic movie today because i watched it and thus am unable to go watch it with him and the gang...
Photos are suppossed to preserve our memories, in my case, the happy ones, looking at photos can tell you stuff which you didnt bother to notice before. The way she was looking at you, who and who had something going etc...but isnt it so ironic that while looking at old photos brings back memories of the good old days, seeing the happiness you had, looking back at the girl you once had a crush on then start interoggating yourself about what the hell you saw in her at that point of time, the photos not just reminds you of the happy days, it reminds us about what we have lost, the naive smile i once had unaware about the ugliness and brutality of society and reality, the friends you will never contact again, the one you failed to express your true feelings to.Photos are so much like dark chocolate, bittersweet and so addictive...Perhaps it really sucks to be both extremely emotional and sentimental, because being sentimental makes you depressed about losing something, and being emotionally sensitive amplifies that bit of sadness and longing..

2009-04-19T21:31:00.003+08:00

i guess i have reached that age, the stage of your life, where all your peers seem to look so adult. Moving into being classified in the 20s where sometimes u are confused whos 22 and who's 28, its so difficult to tell theage of ppl in their 20s and 30s...
Nowadays its like everyone is also having one problem, we are so beyond the age of discovery, looks like my honeymoon years with tech are so over, symptons are simple...
you on ur pc, u go to facebook, check mail, check torrents, check psp news, or some other sites u regularly check out for updates....then you surf around some sites you havent went to for ages out of boredom... Theres nothingelse to do, u exit ur browser, guess what, you dont feel like playing games, theres nothing else to do other than surf net again, so it goes full circle and once again you are in your browser...
i guess its such a situation which makes facebook all the rage, those who put it off saying they dont need facebook to keep friends just dont get it....facebook is hot because evrytime i go on, theres something new, my friends did some quiz, someone added new photos etc....even if nothing happens....HEY! i can make a comment, a shoutout, do a quiz from thousands to choose from...some of which tell people more about me...theres just so much to do, at least more than checking ur fave site every hour only to find 0 updates...
fact is, humans love change, other than the things closest to us cos we are also sentimental.

2009-04-17T14:38:00.006+08:00

saw this ad by mcys promoting family, i must say that the plot is pretty well done, and i really agree,"it is little imperfections which make these people perfect for you"...it really applies to everyone of us, perhaps it was meant as a reminder to many including me, who live in this age of customization and on-demand. Customization serves to let us make things perfect for us, egging us on in our endless quest for perfection or at least the best we can get. The media portrays the perfect life, the perfect car, the perfect girl, the perfect guy...the list just never ends, somehow it spurs us on to unrealistically search for the perfect fit. Why seek perfection, it is the flaws in things which make them special to you, that wierdly shaped scratch on your phone, the birthmark on the neck its what makes people special...Sometimes, the perfect person for you is the one with a particular set of flaws which makes them perfect for you, because people usually forget, we ourselves are not perfect..

reading your blog posts, observing the worsening emotional turmoils that you go through, yet at times you just seem so happy. Making it even more worrying because by burying your emotions repeatedly, one day, it will all come back at one overwhelming shot. Its really frustrating to be treated unfairly, seeing those inferior to you getting the better path.But well,
the path to the peak of the highest mountains is neither flat nor even perhaps it is even worse, yet it leads to one of the best sceneries on earth...
Sometimes i agree with a certain person i dont really like, we must really learn to let go, to stop caring about things which do not concern us, to stop caring about the unfairness of life, things may seem so bleak as a whole, but pause, and look around you, the little smiling moments in life, the happiness to be found around you, with all the positive stuff we usually overlook, perhaps life is not so bad afterall....

2009-04-10T19:22:00.002+08:00

this post brunei first week in camp is nowhere near slack, kind of a shock week. First thing we did was run 2km in the morning, followed by another 2km in the evening. Mind you, 2km around my camp is no joke, considering all the upslopes etc. Well, but it was pretty bearable due to the unwavering support of my PSP haha, keeping me relaxed in my free time...Come to think of it, im nowhere near calm while playing monster hunter, whatever, all games make you stressed nowadays. The only difference being its stress you dont mind....
Although the training is tough, it is exactly what i should be doing but i obviously diligence to do so on my own...

2009-04-03T09:48:00.003+08:00

was msn-ing farrel ytd(the other survivor of our G5 thingy, but non-combatant haha) trying to psycho him into coming back to the force, due to better welfare in the combat service after some leadership changes.Trust me, the pokemon side looks so much better, but nowadays its a case of long hours and a tremendous workload for the very few higher-iq ones. Was trying to persuade him when i realised OMG, technically i only have just 4months left of active ns!!! cos after august atec, camp will transform into some kind of resort(although right now during slack periods it already is)...that also means that my brain recovery programme should be starting around now haha, i have almost just 1year left to rebuild the lost regions of my brain which took 12 years to build...
Went to compare the grade profiles and employment surveys of the various unis but im kinda sceptical, somehow ntu salries seem to be slightly higher yet, nus requires higher grades?...Another factor which adds a dimension of complexity is that the median smu econs student is earning like 3.3 k right now with 97% employment rates compared to the average 90% in other unis, but the economy right now is so much different....will it still stand???shouldnt have went to see these stats, makes me so doubtful and confused right now, zzzzzzzz.......

2009-03-31T21:51:00.002+08:00

touched down on this sunny island yesterday morning, it feels so good to be home...somehow the jerking of the plane the feeling of rapid deceleration on first contact with the tarmac feels so pleasurable time and time again...having landed at Brunei and Singapore, i dare say its the place that matters haha....
its been a very tough trip in the physical aspect, even more so in terms of mental strength. Up till now, the fact that i managed to complete the thing still amazes me. Its really a test of mental strength, feeling faint and sleepy when i saw that steep 80 degree slope to the point that i just ignored everything, sitting by the stream and slept for like 5mins while people around me were trying to nudge me on, i could hear, but i just couldn't move, until 5mins later i just kinda popped backed up like bread popping up fresh from the toaster haha...Brunei is indeed so memorable. The arduous journey to that symbolic gate, the very fact that our last objective is right in front of the gate really spurred us on unto the task of capturing it, all these really sweetened the victory, the sense of satisfaction, priceless.
After this experience, i verify as an overall experience Brunei is one the toughest one can get, but one myth: the seven wonders are not as tough as legend has it, the only reason why it is so talked about is its symbolic significance as the path leading back to base.

2009-03-16T17:30:00.004+08:00

this will probably be my last post before brunei haha...went for one last movie before leaving on saturday with who else but the usual suspects(weng,eud and raps) so predictable haha, all- weather. all-year round, be it cmas or valentine's. Well, drgonball was pretty screwed its has the all-so generic storyboard which i call the wizard of oz type, chosen one sets off on a mission usually precious mentor/teacher/family dies, goes of to find x items, then fight baddie...zzzz..to add on to that the cinema was also screwd gv@ps, was watching some trailer during the 15-min advert slot, saw this pretty good show,tried to recall what name it had then realised it was the trailer which got cut off due to some projector fault....geesh...the only thing worth the 8bucks is well, chichi aka jamie chung....but the fact is i could have looked her up online for FREE....

next day went down to the it fair its kinda dominated by consumer electronics, pre-fab products,rather than parts and components, the squeeze was pretty bad they had to regulate the escalators, when i came back, worse....citylink mall was like flooded, it was really stormy outside but still, people had to be channeled out through the exit to marina due to rampage concerns, well, i didnt heed the indian guard's warnings so i went ahead towards the mrt side. Mainly because i have faith in my bulldozing skills lol.Nothing stands in my way, when i reached the first escalator i was....zomg...it sure is serious it continued for around 50m...it so looks like there is some zombie outbreak and everyone is like swarming towards the last ferry or something...

cant really see very far back but i think its at least30-50m

after that stretch it was still pretty ok traffic until we reached the station, its was like....am i starring in a zombie movie....it was like 5pm only but why does it look like 1am...

someone decided to shut the shutters to stop inflow and let the guards control the traffic through a pathetic exit door on the left which can take at most 2 skinny people side by side...

so tell me, what happen to the so called reccession and all the talk about the doom and gloom, singaporeans can be so optimistic, perhaps we are so used to hardship, price hikes etc, it doesnt really affect us anymore lol, thanks to the regular conditioning to ensure that we can ehdure bad news easily, achieved through, erp and transport hikes haha...

well, i guess my next post will probably on the 30th or so, should be blogging than since im arriving at like 7am in sunny singapore...

until then,I WILL BE BACK, and good luck to eugene who is going to germany soon....looking forward to spending more fun times with you guys when we all get back haha

2009-03-03T22:13:00.002+08:00

going to brunei in like 2wweks time, not really anticipating it though, cant blame me, cos brunei is like so damn notorius....speaking of the blame....
is my temper really so bad, some ppl see me as a happy go lucky cheerful guy but i do have my scary side, i guess...i think its more of my fearless character bah, when it comes to inter-personal relationships, i was brought up in a school of thought which emphasised on free speech, yet im in a society where respect for superiors and elders is so blindly subscribed to...i do not believ in blindly following the views of my elders, cause there are blind sp[ots too in their judgement, i must now the logic behind actions....im not a goddamn robot like a certain ma shaokang, i guess im just not cut out to be a bootlicker. Im the very candid sort, certain ppl do not point out mistakes of their elders cos by confucianism, that is considered disrespectful, as it puts the elder to shame. But for me, i will not hesistate to point out the mistakes of my superiors, to share my view with them, even to the point of debating to get my point across. Because in my view, hiding the mistakes of your superior can be counter-productuve, accepting their views against your own logic will not lead to your whole-heartedness in fufiling that task...Only by understanding and agreeing with the rationale behind an instruction can one put his 101%...
Lastly, im and advocator of healthy quarreling, but not resulting in bad-blood, because in a quarrel, both parties will mostly likely just speak their mind, removing that politically-correctness filter, only then can true thoughts be exchanged cos noone is hiding any thoughts, thus at the end of it all, u can actually understand each other better. I can outtalk and outsmart most of my dumbfuck army "superiors" but being able to do so does not mean using it freely, thats arrogance.
Respect to appointment is a must, but true respect must be earned...

2009-02-22T10:58:00.002+08:00

im so glad i made it back to camp and home, realising how important it is to treasure the people around you...
having turned ops and now on alert, we are expected to be able to rise up to the occassion shall the need arises....but i just cant take it as any other normal operations..Since, having 2 ford everests escorting 5-6 trailers carrying high explosives on public roads is not your normal kind of ops....i was kinda shivering deep down just before i went onto my vehicle complete with bullet-proof vests, looks so drama but really scary...then as the vehicles move out you see your officers saluting you, reality hits you like a blast of icy cold air this is indeed the real thing, such a juicy target, there is a chance you will not make it back....although some will dismiss it as no big deal since singapore is so safe and al,, but trust me, there really was an atmosphere of tension. Even though everyone was making lots of noises, horsing around and joking, i can definitely tell that almost everyone is merely tring to hide their fear, trying to break the stressful air with their laughter.
Would i really have dared to shoot if something really happened?? i really wonder haha

2009-02-13T20:43:00.002+08:00

time really whizzes pass....once again its that time of the year again, valentines!!! Its like a report card day, for singles, how much progress you have made in the dating scene this past year, and for those who had results last Vday, have you managed to grasp on to the slippery and so-damn-hard-to understand heart of a girl?? hahas
anyways time really passes fast this week, since i have my trusty psp by my side, it makes my free time enjoyable at least....and with this week, i officially declare that:
psps are not allwoed in saf camps, or even if it is allowed, memory sticks are not allowed...
NOT!!!!
MP raided this week and i have since proved that both psp and mem stick are allowed, almost kena trouble haha, was like 5minutes away from peeing in my pants, i rather not mention the case once more haha

2009-01-28T10:47:00.002+08:00

happy cny to all of u out there, sometimes i really wonder if my blog really has 0 traffic, perhaps it just too boring cos of the lack of pictures, but how to get pics when i only have 2 days to take pics out of 7, or maybe there are some ppl out there to remain invisible, but well, it doesnt really affect my desire to blog which is why there's no counter here....but it really feels as if im talking to thin air haha....
so fast my days counter is already at just 310 compared to last yr's 700+, just how fair is the ns system, some ppl becme commanders just bcos they are fitter but lack the brawns, some spend their night at home, some spend less than 5 days a week in camp, but get mroe welfare than those who get it worse....it so fucked up that its incorrigible....
anyways this cny quite fun, dont have to run all over singapore to do visits, cos my extended family is quite small, and we gather at common locations so it saves the hassle, but somehow this cny lacks lustre it just lacks a special something, it just not cny-ish, perhaps it bcos we are partying in the midst of a storm....well, i guess v soon in the CNYs to come, i will have to face that awkward question of when is it my turn haha since alrdy 2 of my cousins have kids albeit shotgun shots...and i happen to be the eldest grandson bearing the family name so ,ya....

2009-01-11T13:54:00.002+08:00

woots happy 89th post!!! so random...-.-, past few days really v lazy to blog haha so heres my 1st post of the new year.....shattered dreams, thought that it was too good to be true to perfect too flawless, so unreal, indeed it was it all seems like dream, take it as a vacation from my routine, boring life how i wished i never had to go back to reality...did i really think that i cpuld do it, im jst so stupid to put so much hope into it, trusting myself to have the willpower, in the end i didnt even have the chance to try, let alone prove my worth, returning back to reality in utter defeat. being greeted by reality itself first thing i came back, its just so humiliating, so not my style. but neither can i rot in my own self-pity, afterall, regardless of how slim the chance was, the fact is i was given one, and i just couldnt make it. perhaps this is Fate's will, to make a joke out of me, or perhaps it knows whats its doing, except i just cant see the bigger picture..but well anyways, it always good to be back where you are familiar with despite how much one hates about it cause it always has that one familiar spot of light....
what is the meaning of freedom does it really exist, one who believes in freedom can never really practise it, cause to achieve the right to do everything according to your will would mean the suppression of the freedom of those around you

2008-12-25T12:41:00.002+08:00

thnx guys for the great xmas eve spent ytd , and yeah, happy bday to weng
although we didnt really have anything to do, we still got by 5hrs in the end with tons of laughter and joy it was just so comfy to catch up with a great bunch of friends....
boarded nel at 550, suppossed to meet at bugis at 6, then called the rest, and realised they didnt noe!!!! cos all afk on msn....in the end spent to hrs in the mrt b4 evryone reached and sadly, incurred a crazy over stay charge of $2!!!very significant taking into account that the fare is just 1.70.....its like a 117% of the fare?
then went for dinner at asian kitchen@vivo, talked about the failed class meet at the same place last xmas, then spet good deal of time trying to figure out why i didnt showup that day and realised i wasnt invited by the organizers cos im on a freaking blacklist.....apparebtly for liking someone im a wanted criminal as if i twotimed all of them at one go...-.-, after many rounds around vivo we sat at carl's jr wanted to be really cheapskate, buy a cup of drink and just refill and chat....but worse, we sat there without patronising haha...dcided it was really boring thus once again took nel this time to plaza sing....glad to say after a treacherous 40min journey through a raging warzone we emerged untainted by the snowsprays haha.....saw police trying hard to break up spray wars cos it always ends up as very chaotic with hundreds making warcries in a certain zone, then the police will look super anxious and shine the spotlights there.....soundbit of the week,police: "i tell you to walk in that direction" guys say but...."just walk!!!" lol so strict...after that went home and thats the end.....oh ya we went into the warzone hoping to buy the super small cutesy looking xmas hats everyone had but somehow cant find it anyone noes where to get??

2008-12-21T16:08:00.002+08:00

could this be what i have been looking for?? the chance to shine, to be used for what i am worth....such a golden oppurtunity but what price am i willing o pay, having the tendency to just stubbornly push on then cry out loud when i suffer the consequences later when regret catches up with me. Recce trooper, once of the most gruelling vocations in the infantry, with that covetted jungle cap, needing not just brawns but brains as well, for analysis, working almost independently isnt this what i have wanted, the recognition, the honour to be seen in a respectable light. i have done my part in committing myself to it, now its shall be left up to fate....perhaps my wanting to go embodies my desperation to leave this camp even if it just the 2 and a half months. A short vacation from irritation, in what some call a hell of a course....

Nights outs are so booo-ooooring, i concede defeat im so over and done with with it now although i have had just a few....

2008-12-11T13:38:00.002+08:00

one yr has come and gone, from whining about enlisting on my birthday, then my first field camp, slowly came seeing the better side of things friends different from those i usually had, my pull-ups broke the big zero, my 2.4 went less than 13min, isnt these what i always wished for in the past, then it seemed too good to be true i had almost everything a better body. while keeping the best of both worlds ppl still regarded me as something as the top 20 odd % of the nation. tekong was a new place but the thought of my buddies being just within a 1km radius made it feel strangely homely. A new look a better body without much change to my greenhouse like treatment of the past, whats not good. true to my teachings from young and perhaps being too used to winning and being successful, i aspired to be something but perhaps it just wasnt enough. then it was time for a dose of the harsh realities of life, POP came, we cheered, we partied, then we bade farewell, so full of hope for the future that awaits us.
then it just came all of a sudden like a full-blown hook straight to the face, much has been heard about mono-intakes and the ppl there, but how many of my kind has actually tried it first hand that is to be on the same level as them. To say that u have tried it when u were a commander there is like saying that sharks are not that bad when u visited them in the vast ocean in a shark-proof cage, no matter how close u get there is still a buffer there. What have the know-all talents that saf believes they are done to me, all the happiness i had, my greatest treasures seemed to have beened tarnished i just cant find them when i fumble for it in the hours of darkness. Having been brought up in this system of meritocracy, the deserving gets what they deaserve, what have i done to deserve this, perhaps meritocracy is just an illusion created by the educated to explain their success, only among our circles does it exist all these while living in an all so controlled enviroment void of the sufferings of reaity, has it begun to crack??
all the while ns to me is not part of my life its a distraction from what i am suppossed to do, my mission from young to study, et into university make my parents proud then make out a good life for myself and them, form a full happy family and not let them worry that is my mission. this 2years is just like a pitstop it seems so surreal at times its just not in line with my life, every week i live 5 dyas as another personality as private jason, just a mere digit in this numbers game, unrespected and underappreciated for whats my talents worth. 2days a week i get a break to me, the real me, jason, a somewhat successful person in life with his path properly laid waiting for him to walk past, where his world revolves around him and his loved one, people respect him for whats he is worth he is treated like a treasure, what he has worked so hard for.
isnt it part of life, primary school, then slowly moving on to jc when teenagers start becomeing adults responsibilities start coming in, then we move on to uni, peers start gearing up for adult life some have moved into that phase starting to work and all moving into the real world armed with the skills we have trained up for the past 20 odd years then come ns, its just like a system lag, suddenly for 2 yrs the guys just cant progress into U, then when they finally can, studying has become a stranger, having to relearn the past 18 yrs of knowledge....omg
must i fight to serve my nation, i studied hard so that 1 day i can be of some use to society isnt that doing service to the nation in my own little way, to put everyone into what he does best thats how people should be effectively used....
finaly found the energy to muster all my thoughts all this while culminating into this super long post so emo....也许这里是我心灵的寄托，像个记忆的避风港，保存我的回忆，等待我回到原来的世界，但也许将来这个世界不再是我熟悉的那个世界

2008-12-04T22:37:00.003+08:00

well, these few days have been super busy, though non-physical it is mentally taxing lor i guess the others just wont understand the stress of having to work your ass of to achieve perfection and at the same time make sure a bunch of apes dont go missing haiz....
went to watch sky crawlers with my jc buds, now almost all sergeants le, anyways this movie is more of a feature film cause its so philosophical, though rare, the fliht battle scenes are really awesome.....and the story is somewhat intriguing the worst part is we didnt realise theres the after credit clip and we freaking miss it!!! damn...

2008-11-17T11:58:00.002+08:00

well, it seems that alot of focus is being put on the acjc ragging incident, personally i think that it is within an acceptable level considering the prank itself, like whats the fuss about the tying down and food throwing it would be all in the name of fun , but what really causes some concern is the way the prank is perceived bby those who put it online, apparently they didnt mean it to be just a fun prank, cause the video was labelled,"loser got destroyed" which is so not what a birthday prank video of a friend would be titled....it shows that the bday girl was not treated as a friend its more like the birthday is an excuse to bully a loser. Although she says that she is ok with the whole thing, i dont see how she can accept being labelled like this.
for those who support that this whole incidentis just making a mountain out of a molehill, and that acjc is not for prudes etc, i think you are missing the whole point, imho its not about the process, its more of how the incident is perceived by the perpetrators, nothings tells me that they meant it to be purely for fun.....an elite school does not mean that all those inside are neccessarily elites....
onto sg politics, there is this repeated issue about how difficult it is to find the next big thing, well, the root problem is that the pap is kinda too elitist in my opinion as in they look for so called talented only from the top schools, well this is a very old school thought that academic excellence=leadership material. the thing is that the search is too narrow such that some people just go under the radar. one such evidence that talents are missed out, look at the opposition, they do have a few shining stars which would make good leaders just that they do not happen to be deemed as talent by some talent scouts, thus end on the side where well, they dont get the oppurtunity to fully utilise their potential....haiz

2008-11-05T18:48:00.002+08:00

back for almost 1 week le, just cant forget australia, theres so much happy things i didnt mention lol, yes im fat!!!!and i LUB food lol, all these while when eating combat rations i really missed sg food, so much that when i ate a ration which tasted so much like what i had in sg when i was young, it really made my day, u guyz should go try it, its a very simple peanut glutinious rice sold at chinatown complex its so damn nice, the boss even knows me cos i always eat last time so much that he can recognise me haha, back to aussie food, the stuff there is really fresh, had a great time at the bbq night with the squid and prawns, to top it of, we had sfi sambal chili which is really public-retail grade, but sauce good also no use , the seafood was really fresh the texture didnt change even though i think i overcooked it lol
now that 1 have a 10day block leave, i finally can get back bits of my life....(yeah, more food) attempted to cook for my lil sis cos she was just to lazy to go out for lunch, so i had my first attempt at sweet'n' sour pork which went well except i forgot to add the powder coating haha....but despite having some success in cooking the dishes who would expect that i can cook plain white rice lol sobs......all the dishes pass but rice fail.....haiz back to basics....
then went to international seafood for its luch buffet which is a la carte, its not cheap in price but definitely value for money at 22bucks, the portionings are small but sufficient so taht more dishes can be sampled, dish size is according to number of people so even if only 2people goes, they can also sample the same number of dishes as a table of 10.....sweet...certainly must go again next time haha

2008-11-02T12:37:00.002+08:00

it felt nice talking to you, trying to cheer you on, relax you abit, trying my best to do what i can for you but it just feels wierd
just what am i, what is my purpose, sometimes im a pitstop, you just come and go, then come back again when things are not well, then sometimes im a friend, but i do treasure those times....its just my personality i hate frowns, i want everyone to be happy, i just feel concerned for people who dont seem okay, even if its my enemies i will check if their ok when they dont seem so, its just built in me to help to my best abilities regardless of who the other person is, to spread my neverending source of happiness, sometimes even i dont noe where it comes from....maybe im doing what i do for you because of this, maybe its other reasons, i just dont noe

2008-10-30T23:23:00.004+08:00

im officially back from ex wallaby 2008, after staying at tiger hell(hill) for like 19days of which 13 days were outfield, 16days were survived on combat rations, thats about all that i can tell you, because ex wallaby is so called confidential, but it was slacker than i normally experience.....
so much for secrecy, when we boarded the plane, "welcome aboard for ex wallaby 2008"....=.= the whole world probably knows....
the weather is so for me man, daytime is super hot but also dry so i dont sweat, although i can feel my skin burning lol, tank rides are on average 5-6 hours and could go up to 9hours, talk about a long road trip lol , this trip also has a highlight and that is taking a chinook!!! now i know why the guys always bend low when they approach, its just automatic, cos the down draft is strong + hot air is gushing out of the 2 jet engines behind.....the seats were super comfy, heli landings are so soft, i didn't realise that we have landed until people started running out haha
after 19days of rnr its finally rnr, where we were isolated at a very ulu resort which has very good beds and facilities, it a pity we are staying for just one night....haiz
shopping is good cos numerically, prices are very similar to Singapore's and with the nearly 1 to 1 xchange rate, dont really have to worry about things being too expensive, to add icing to the cake, its so easy for me to buy clothes there cos the sizes are all super big, i could actually pull-off an s size but eventually settled for M.....
as usual, conflicts galore, he talks about being street smart, but is this brand of behaviour for me, i just cant walk away when something is not right, i cant resist holding back information that people seek and i have, is walking away really the right thing to do, i do despise them, but what right do we have to declare ourselves superior in class based on education, its just so disgusting a concept to me. behaviour is matter of upbringing not education, talking about me joining your side,not stooping to their level, and evn to the extent of declaring them as merely acquaintances, when i see you joking around with them all the time. you say to be wary of the friends around oneself cause one might hold a dagger, i guess you are included in my beware of list, cos backstabbing is precisely what you did....talking about graciousness, class superiority, and superior eq and street smarts, have you forgotten that you are just a friggin diploma holder, talk to my hand.....
as much as i hated the talk, there is a small fraction which can be used, while the rest is probably good for filling up the dhl balloon at its new location in the near future....muahhaha
after being away for nearly 1mth im just so overwhelmed with emotions
the nights i spent alone under the starry sky, looking up at the speckles above, the night sky is just so beautiful, but why dont i feel happy when i see it, instead,what i feel is loneliness, some kind of emptiness, how nice would it be if the seat beside me is filled by someone i want to share such romantic moments with, why is it that i think of her as i look at the stars, its just so random
thats its for the superlong entry, the aftermath of being handicapped for 3weeks without a computer, a nasty bout of literary diarrhoea

2008-10-06T10:36:00.003+08:00

goodbye singapore, will be leaving soon, like tomorrow, think i will be missing everyone here, and everything which makes this place home to me, for now im more into the long break after the trip which is about 2weeks, (YAY)
sometimes i really feel like a loser, why cant i just go up to the one i like and just get a happilyever after, why do i always have to keep a distance and be entertained with a simple, coldreply......why....
anyways.....seeya(that is if there is anyone else here)
xoxo

2008-09-27T11:34:00.003+08:00

oct 7 will be be leaving for ex wallaby in australia till like 29oct, as much as i dont wanna go.....duty, honour,country(bullshit) and holiday!!! haha, the packing is more of a pain in the ass, in cant getany worse bah......moreover, this ex promises to be a very good show, nice nature, multimillion pyro, whats there to complain about except the fact that im flying there on a lousy new zealand airlines plane....ciao...
anyway these recent weeks see the eruption of another sg sex tape scandal, this time involving sun atn, who apparently self-posted her exclusive "content" then turning around to sue a foreign blog when it helps her "promote".....sg sex scandals are always the buring rage cos its so rare and to us, we are still very conservative about it, a few years back we had tammy, now we have sun tan who doesnt have flawless features, but still reasonable standard.....the main point is the setting, it was actually open air under literally BROAD DAYLIGHT, and it seems to be at one of the dead ends near anchorvale beside the ulu ulu lrt tracks haha, talk about being re-exposed

2008-09-13T01:45:00.003+08:00

why, isnt this what i have always wanted and pursued, now that i finally reach my goal of long term status then downpes, why am i hesistating....why does thi9s feeling keep coming back tugging at my heartstrings, could it be the fact that im in a dilemma shows that i really want to stay. its easy to say i wanna leave because come on, the people don fit, my talent is underused, im misused as a combat vocation, im meant to be a more intel-based combatant such as artillery etc, the only reason why i couldnt make it to command school is bcos of my fitness, now that i finally might pass ippt, it seems that a promotion is in store especially due to my elevated status of jc student, fat boy, this highlights my determination, but its ever so easy to run away....it so easy to reason why i should quit, but i cant really explain why i should sta yet im pulled towards it, i keep flashing back o the time i was in sec2, when i left scouting, the seniors then tried very hard to keep me, just like what my commanders are doing now, that time i cried, there was a part of me which wanted to stay, now i feel that this is one thing i want to complete cos i dont wanna giveup again cos it sucks, the guilt and regret.....then and now, why did they hold me back, trying torescue me back, could it be that he it is because he doesnt want to lose a man, or he doesnt want to lose me. i somehow have an intuition that i will gain something here if i stay, perhaps my reason for leaving are more like derived from my peers.....many believe that im different from the others, they totally see me in a different light i so do not want to dissapoint them that its was all a fairytale, knowing that some people actually has faith in you really makes it very difficult to just turn away.........i guess this 1month status will just be a break afterall, is it time to scrap this project???is this what i really want this time??

2008-09-01T12:45:00.002+08:00

went out to meet up with my ns buddies(the only real buddies i have in camp farrel, pirom, john) yesterday to attend the last to hours of comex'08 cos its during this period whereoffers start pouring in, so john went for his target pc priced at 748 then slashed to 699 for a quad core 2gb ram com, the only shortfall is the integrated graphics, but this can be easily upgraded....
for myself, was waiting for the price of the 250gb 2.5" hdd to drop further from the already discounted price of 99....but then towards 10 the stalls started packing and that is when u know that the prices are not dropping anymore and this is the time where don buy=u are going home empty handed haha.....
similarity is a very amazing thing, i have known these guys for only like5 months but we are so close now, basically cos we have ,any things in common all while being in the same plight....but well, it all has to end, after they leave i will work hardto achieve that 100% success rate of downpes of bmtc boys haha

the stage without an audience, a rebel without a cause~ MrOngbak..

intuition

in·tu·i·tion

Day0

Post number 151

Pissed

im a geek